This movement is pretty bizarre if you analyze it. At least to me. I guess depending on how you look at things, anything can become the opposite of what it is intended to do. I think women and men have a difficult time navigating through this movement, just like they have had a tough time navigating through many shifts that have taken place in our world at different times.
Nothing is 100% black or white. There is always grey thrown into any situation, movement, life. Many think that the invention of the pill was the beginning of feminism and freedom for all women. But…back then, feminists were against the contraception pill. Let’s look at this in several ways. Yes, women should be able to enjoy sex without having to produce a child, or 10 or 20 children. However, why is this a woman’s problem alone? I mean, without semen, sex would be great and the woman would not get pregnant. Why did the solution become let’s alter a woman’s hormones, let’s make her have to remember to take a pill every single day of her life, let’s expose her to cancers and STDs because of the pill and because of the STDs that she will now be exposed to since she doesn’t have to worry about the semen factor. Don’t get me wrong, I am and have been a pill user for the past 24 years of my life. It also has its up sides, like the lack of cramps and the shorter days having to deal with my period. The fact that if I really needed to, I could alter what day I get my period by taking packs back to back. The fact that I have never been pregnant thanks to these lovely pills. But have the hormones in these pills altered who I was for 24 years of my life? Who knows, and I will never know. My point is, that everything can be seen with different eyes depending on who you are in that moment, depending on your background, the context of the situation, etc.
I think men and women are very different. And part of the reason we are where we are, is due to these inherent differences. Innately a woman can sense what a man needs, not because she is a temptress or because she wants to mother every man she sees. I think its just part of our DNA. And innately a man wants to conquer, feel superior, and win. It’s part of their DNA. These traits are what has made the human race survive through all kinds of horrible scenarios. But sometimes, the balance is super off and this causes chaos.
Women feel a need to make everything OK. Unbalance just doesn’t feel good. Everything being OK seems to calm our souls. So stirring the pot is not a thing that comes naturally to women. I know that with this #MeToo movement, there are a lot of stories being told that truly speak to abuse and crimes. The black part of the movement. However, there is also a lot of grey being lumped together with the movement that is what I seem to have trouble with. I feel like it dilutes the truth and dignity of the women that have truly been abused and crimes have been committed against them.
The grey part also needs to be dealt with. But the ones that need to really deal with it are these women that are realizing now, with this movement, that maybe they didn’t have to agree to do a lot of the things they ended up doing. They are seeing with new eyes that perhaps when you don’t want to do something, you can say no, and you have to be aware that any consequences are worth it because you stood up for yourself and in the end, you as a human person are what should matter above all, to you.
The story about Aziz Ansari for example. A 23 year old woman has now come forward and said that she went to his place and she gave him “non-verbal cues”. She also allowed him to perform oral sex on her, and she reciprocated. How is this clear?? Your non-verbal cues were probably diluted by your oral sex performance. She also mentions in the article that they drank white wine in his apartment but “I didn’t get to choose and I prefer red, but it was white wine”. OK. I have a problem with this woman. She is the grey in this #MeToo movement. And her actions, are causing the movement to lose its purpose and turn around and bite us all in the ass. As Condoleezza Rice fears, we are now going to be turning women into snowflakes that need to be handled with delicate gloves. That is NOT the point of this movement ladies.
So this 23 year old woman, doesn’t like white wine, she likes red wine. But that was all there was, so she went along with it. This 23 year old woman didn’t want to have sexual contact with Aziz Ansari, but she allowed his mouth to be on her vagina and she proceeded to put her mouth on his penis. If I don’t like white wine, which I don’t because it gives me migraines. Guess what. I say thank you so much, but I am not going to have any white wine. And if I am giving non-verbal cues, I follow those up with a clear “Hey Aziz you are super funny, but right now you are being too horny and I am not into it. Do you still want to hang out or should I just head out?” Not everything has to be so complicated.
Why didn’t she leave?? Why didn’t she speak up?? Why didn’t she say she didn’t like the white wine?? These are all problems. But these are HER problems that she needs to definitely look into, and these are problems that many young girls and young women and all women need to analyze before we proceed with the whole movement. WHY are you not standing up for yourselves? It is not HIS responsibility to be a mind reader, a cue reader, and play a guessing game. I mean if we want to be taken seriously, and we mean what we say. Then how can we, in the same breath, also expect men to disregard our actions and what we say and instead be on the lookout of these non-verbal cues that they will need to decipher. That is not logical. It makes no sense, and I feel bad for Aziz right now. And all men that are probably super confused at this point and the only right answer is just to become cold and never speak to a woman again for fear she may have a different agenda in her head than what they see or understand.