Healing

They say that if you heal your deepest wound, you will find your life’s purpose.  By healing yourself, you will be able to heal others. As a lightworker you agreed to come to this world to complete a task. But once here, we all forget why we came.  So some of us, may find our way to our purpose through our own healing.

The hard part…well there are lots of hard parts to this…but one of the hard parts is figuring out what your deepest wound is. I would imagine it is the one that changed you, at your core. I have often tried to heal myself. But often wondered what that really means. It’s not a concrete, black and white thing…healing yourself.

I have come to terms with certain things that happened to me. Child sexual molestation. It was not done to me by anyone I knew or trusted. It was done by complete strangers, both times. I was around 5 years old the first time and around 9 years old the second time. Two completely separate circumstances. The first time, I remember having to go to the police and later to court. The second time, nothing happened to the man that did it. But honestly, I have gotten past both of these issues (as far as I know).

I have come to terms with the fact it happened, and I have forgiven the adult that was supposed to be protecting and watching me, both times. I never really held any hate towards the perpetrators. I didn’t know them. I did however hold a lot of anger and hate towards the adult that was supposed to be watching me and protecting me. But at this point in my life, I have come to understand that we cannot expect from others what we would be willing to do and we also cannot judge others, because we were not in their shoes. I often would think that I could have forgiven that person a lot sooner if they had protected me at least one of the two times it happened…given that person was watching me both times. However, over the years (and after much therapy) I have come to terms with it, and in my mind, I have let it go.

I have also realized that what happened to me is minor compared to the atrocities that children are often forced to deal with. And for a time, I felt guilty for comparing my sexual molestation to someone else’s sexual abuse. When I decided to let it go, I also stopped comparing. All of it is terrible. And no child should ever have to live with it, or with the consequences and scars that are left behind.

So if that is not what I am meant to heal from. What else could it be? Or have I really healed? Is that wound still open? How do we know if we are truly healed?

 

2 thoughts on “Healing”

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